Hi I'm looking for a specific post, it's an image of the inside page of a book that was translated by this guy who didn't read the original but felt that he was uniquely qualified to translate it anyway because he once saw the author and felt he understood him implicitly at a glance
I’m not sure why the comments say this is the 1897 Icelandic translation of Dracula, especially when Italian is mentioned several times.
But more importantly, this is a poem published in The Threepenny Review. This is not an actual translator’s note. This is a fictional prose-poem and Andrew Bertaina did not ever try to translate something from just seeing the author once, as far as I can tell.
Aries: The mysterious tattoos of citrus fruits that appear on your skin every night are a sigh that you are contract a rare magical form of scurvy.
Taurus: You will find that a surprising amount of obligations can be evaded by simply lying your ass off.
Gemini: The anachronistic 1920s gangsters outside your favorite diner can be bribed with coffee and pastries. They are between bosses and could use the work.
Cancer: Dont panic Cancer, the impossibly loud sound of a bell that only you can hear is just a reminder that it is time to eat breakfast.
Leo: Your careful nature and propensity for listening to your friends when they need it will net you some sick loot in the future.
Virgo: The small flowers growing in your garden have secrets to tell you but their voices are very small. Purchase a megaphone.
Libra: The cartoonishly large and juicy steak placed directly under a large dangling crate with an open bottom is, in fact, a trap.
Scorpio: The shadowy corporate entity attempting to purchase the moon will flee back into the woods if you wave your arms to make yourself appear larger and shout “taxes” a bunch.
Ophiuchus: Dont freak out when you see the ghost girl in the background of your vacation photos. She just wants to be included.
Sagittarius: Homoerotic battle tango.
Capricorn: The atlas on your bookshelf contains maps of places that don’t exist, but you would never bother to check.
Aquarius: Your crop of peas will be bountiful this year. It will have nothing to do with the goat you sacrificed. Demeter was busy that day.
Pisces: Today you will be hassled by a group of extremely large crows who mistook you for someone else and apologize afterward.
ph-i asked: 
